It’s been a very very very exhausting year, the first 7 months where you actually did not know what do you have to do with your life, all the mid life crisis, all the rejections and all the tryouts.. all the tears and desperate measures..
And the remaining 5 months where you finally stopped in trying too hard, pulling out a full acceptance to God and letting fate lead the way..

Every single thing that happened to me in 2011 helped to actually shape me up, where I learned (in a really hard way) that God indeed is really good, and He will give you everything, every single thing that you wish for, ..when you are least expecting it.

The key word in 2011 was patience.

Now lets see what we’ll have in 2012.

and no, I’m not a big fan of this-funny-looking-moron-who-has-this-stupid-goatee-yet-he-sold-million-copies guy.

I will soon post my list of Resolutions for 2011, as usual. Since it is 3 days more to a new year.

I reckon it will be a little bit harder than the 2010. Some of them will include things that are beyond my ability to control (as PR or TR,) but I may still have to put a good fight on that matter, whatsoever. Some of them will also include longer term targets, which means that it may not be necessary in achieving those things within a year period, -since it may take longer time- but I do prefer to tick the boxes as soon as possible. So yeah, fingers crossed.

When I looked back to my 2010 list, I am quite proud of myself, for be able to achieve more than half (approximately 13 to 14) stuffs that I listed back then. There were many difficult tasks that I put, such as getting 4 HDs, losing 5-6 kgs, etc etc.. I was like “wth” when I read the list yesterday. I was completely aghast, since it hits me that I AM actually able to do all those stuffs. I am capable of getting 4 HDs in a year. I have lost more than 6 kgs, I maintained a loving relationship, I was able to get a part time job, and of course, buying a “sophisticated” thing from that.. not to mention traveling to Malaysia and Singapore with my own money :)… yes it hits me, big time. I am actually capable in taking navigation of my own life. I am capable in achieving what I want to achieve… but of course, I cant do it all alone, without God’s helping hand. God has always been nice and loving to me, for His blessings are uncountable and unstoppable…

I could not be more thankful.

:)

On the other side of the note, the things that I haven’t (or I have, but I considered it as a “not yet”) achieved mostly due to the external (and, a little bit of internal) factors that were beyond my control…… (I wish I really could use this excuse), or , I simply believe that God has not given me the chances yet.

Nevertheless, again, I might say that it was indeed a big achievement. Yes, 2010, it was.

Ups and downs throughout the years, consist of the best laughters and worst tears I have ever had in years (mostly at the end of the year.. talking about the dramas and the rollercoasters). But I do admit, I had a really good year. The good times, the birthdays, the graduations, the marriages, the celebrations, the holidays, the travellings, the friends.. It was all unbelievably amazing. Not to forget the farewells, the sickness, the mourns, the fights, the tears, the “talks”.. They play their roles convincingly as well….in shaping me, in transforming me into a different person with different piece of mind.

This year I also had the chance in learning the word “best friends”.. in a rough way. But I didn’t regret nor be disappointed, as it led me to a further realization that I still have those guys, who are still happily carrying the “bestfriends” tag along with them, wherever they go. And I’m so thankful for you guys, I do.

Last but not least. This year I still embark in a journey, traveling in a boat that rocked hard(er) than last year, a boat named “relationship”. It’s true that most of the time, the weather or the wave itself did not take any part in shaking or giving many holes of the boat, (which, most of the time, caused the boat to be nearly sunk) but it is also because of us, who handle the steering, are still unsure in controlling and managing to keep the boat afloat, let alone to speed and finally reach our most-desired destination.

What I’m trying (hard) to say is.. I personally believe if we, as the captain of the boat, are able to trust, love, and hold each other tight, no waves no storm not even tornadoes can sunk our little precious boat…

I do, I do believe in that :)

Anyway, enough with the gibberish talks. Here goes,

the 2011 Resolution List.

1. Being closer to God, in any way. From smallest way to the greatest way, if possible.
2. Always be thankful. ALWAYS. Thus, the Book of Blessings.
3. Able to say “no”, more often.
4. get a TR / PR
5. Have a real full time job
6. Buy one sophisticated thing from my own salary. (Therefore, #5 MUST be accomplished). Preferably a gadget.
7. Paid back my parents for the TR / PR
8. Do some traveling overseas with my own salaries.
9. Have an improved English language. IELTS must be atleast 7. Use English in everyday’s conversation.
10. Learn new vocabs. Finish atleast 2 books for a month. Hence, 20-24 books for the year
11. More organized. Finance section: Finance book and account must be well-maintained. Householdsection:Storages, kitchen, shoes and clothes well maintained. Personal section: Important documents and etc
12. Handle my biggest weaknesses. Learn to face my fear. Thus, list all my fears and try to completely face half of those from the list.
13. Improve my relationship with the loved ones, esp. Family. Communicate. BBM every weekend.
14. Stay fit. Do light sports atleast once every two weeks.
15. Maintain my current weight. No increase in weights for more than 2/3 kgs.
16. A steady, happy and loving relationship with my loving man :). In which, I should have an answer to where the future goes. Talk. Get some advices.
17. LT. Target: T word (?)
18. Further LT target: look up for a new place to live and consider buying / renting.

I do hope God’s still with me throughout 2011.. and I know He will be. :)

Have a merry christmas and a joyful new year guys :)

He’s one of my very first friends for the first time I was away from my family ,

a very talented man,

the best buddy to go to the party with,

The one that I can always find whenever I’m going back for “home”,

He’s the best company to go and have some fun,

one that actually stays and fights along with me,

and he’s the one that is willingly waiting for me in the finish line.

He’s kinda person that will always be there even whenever I am trashed, big time,

He is my first-cakes in my birthdays

…and the one that share his first-cakes with me.

He is always ready to support me,

to hold my hands whenever, wherever, I need him.

He’s the best holiday buddy I could ask for,

the partner to share a really fine and relaxing day in a beach,

but also the one that shared many of his highest accomplishments with me.

He is the one that always be there for me, at my best, or even at my worst.

Pictures tell thousands words. But these pictures convey only one meaning, and I guess you know what that is.

to this very loving man :

I love you :)

IM GONNA WATCH HP7 IN ABOUT ONE HOUR FROM NOW!!!

I’m freaking excited. Beyond words.

Oh you guys the mighty trio. What a wonderful casts.

maybe these videos will tell you why.

(my first-ever Disney tales, my all-time favourite song.)

(my most favorite princess of all! and oh, I literally cried when I first saw this scene)

(Yes, the hot red-haired mermaid. Colorful sea life. and a talking (not to mention a bit jamaican) crab. *or is it lobster?*)

(Hakuna matata/ it means no worries/ for the rest of your day/ it’s our problem-free philosophy!)

Enjoy :)

No, it’s not the hormones that do the talkings. At least I’m pretty sure that it’s not it.

It is the fact that I am 24, nearly graduate, but I still dont know where to go, what to do, what I am going to do with my life, what is my next plan, and you know, big stuffs

Everything seems …uncertain. I wanna do that, I wanna do this, but it depends on how the other things turn out. I am planning on taking that, on giving up this, but again, it should wait until I know how those other things go. It is where I finally realized that I am stuck. Stuck because I’m living on these circular uncertainty.

I hate uncertainty. I hate the fact that I cant make any plan simply because I am afraid of the future.

I hate uncertainty. I hate seeing that big dark road that awaits me, with unknown ending, waiting to swallow me alive or indeed, carry me on till my last journey.

I hate uncertainty. I hate the fact that I’m now asking myself, ‘What is my last journey?’ ‘What are my goals?’ ..I have several desires, tonnes of dreams, many wishful thinkings for sure. But am I gonna be fulfilled by completing and getting all of those things? Am I gonna live a happy life?

I hate uncertainty. I hate the fact that people keeps pushing me and keeps telling me what to do and sadly, I can’t say no.

I hate the direction where they are pointing at, nevertheless, I’m still heading on that direction

….and I hate the fact that I actually feel safer this way.

I hate uncertainty, …. I really do.

It’s 4 am and I’m wide awake.

It’s 29 May 2010, and I’m 24.

This is the time when you can see all the images and sounds flowing back into your brain, like that flashback moment in the movie.

This is the time when you actually have the time to think, to realize, to acknowledge, to gain more understanding about yourself, about people in your life, about everything that revolves around you.

This is the time when you actually could revise things like what you’ve been doing, what you’ve done, what you need to do, what are your priorities, what are the things that you cherished the most, what is the most important thing in your life right now.

I wish i was forever 20. I wish I was forever 21. I wish being 22 would never end. I wish I could be 23 forever.

But no, I realized I can’t afford to wish like that. I have a lot of gratitudes that I need to express to the Almighty Above, the One and only. And those wishes are not one of the ways to do that.

Therefore, in my 24,

I thank you God, for everything, for uncountable blessings that you’ve given me, for many obstacles and pain that you’ve wanted me to endure, for things you’ve taught me so that I could learn..

For giving me the most lovable man in the world.

For giving me the best of my life.

“There is always a first time for everything”

I guess that it is indeed true.

There are always the moment in your life where you had your “firsts”. First period. First pet. First toy. First friend. First relationship. First kiss. First heartbreak. Name it all.

I had several firsts in my life. Some led to something even bigger, something that gave me chances to experience another firsts, but for something, it ended up there. Just stop there.

That’s when I usually know, that “first” would also be my last as well.

Last Saturday would be my first time in something, that I consider is “unforgettable enough” to close the tale of 23. The chapter of my life that has been so wonderfully amazing so far, the chapter of my life that has been giving me many many lessons to be learned. The most chaotic chapter in my life, indeed.

Last week was my last week in being 23. This week I will be 24. And God knows what lie ahead upon me. I am scared, I am clueless, I have no picture in my head about what 24 will bring.

About future.

And when I realized that, I know that there will be many many firsts waiting for me ahead.

I don’t know whether I have to be all excited or petrified instead.

Lets keep crossing fingers.

- 5 days to 24